I cut my penus on the lid.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
