I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
