Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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