If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
