I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
