Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
