i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize