Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
