He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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