Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
