You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
