I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
