I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
