when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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