i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
