how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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