I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
