I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
