we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
