1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
