My balls are so social today.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
