Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
