Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize