Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
