Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
