I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
