Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
