you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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