I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
