All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize