I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
