He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
