I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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