So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
