Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
