Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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