So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
