Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
