Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I look better un-naked...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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