You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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