so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
