i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
