i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
