I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
