he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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