just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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