Already got asked if we're dating
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
