Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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