i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
