I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
