i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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