I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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