OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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