Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I understand Curling. That high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
