omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
