I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize