Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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