I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize