There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
high people should be assigned attendants
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
