So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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