K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
a search helicopter?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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