okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
do herpes really smell.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
