I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
