I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't turn off my feet"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize