There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
