I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
