He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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