Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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