Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
