distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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