My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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