Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize