tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
