When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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