ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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