Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
