AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
