I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
