Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
