good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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