whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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