yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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