He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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