Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
