I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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