im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
