i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
