So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
