my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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