You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
