Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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