"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
