TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm having to shit out rocks
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
