It was confusing and full of hummus
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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