god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
