she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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