my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
