yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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