Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
