i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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