i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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