He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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